


FMK

by catlikeacat



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Fuck Marry Kill, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29549217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catlikeacat/pseuds/catlikeacat
Summary: Before Reno even opened his mouth, Elena knew he was going to say something dirty.“Hey Elena,” his tone was casual like he was discussing the weather, “Me and Rude are playing fuck, marry, kill an-““He is,” Rude flatly cut him off, arms crossed and very pointedly looking away from her, “Not me.”Rolling her eyes hard enough to hurt a bit, she shook her head, “I’m not playing either.”
Relationships: Reno/Rude (Compilation of FFVII)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	FMK

**Author's Note:**

> Today my internet went out and I just physically manifested this based on a shorter version I sent to a friend on Discord.
> 
> My twitter is [@catlikeacat](https://twitter.com/catlikeacat) and my tumblr is [@catisacat](https://catisacat.tumblr.com/).

Elena was minding her own business, as she usually did. Shuffling around Healen Lodge with a large laundry basket in her hands. Overflowing with heavy suits that weren’t her own as she got her daily work done.

Reno had scoffed at the suggestion of Tseng’s chore wheel which meant that, most of the time she was doing his share of the work too. Granted, it was because he was paying her to. But it still meant she had more than everyone else.

Rude would kill him if he found out. He’d insisted that Elena not have to do the men’s laundry, just her own. Didn’t think it was appropriate she’d have to touch their underwear even though she really couldn’t care less.

He was a gentleman like that, although his partner undermined it at every turn.

Speak of the devil, Reno’s voice came whining from the other room, “Elena! Elenaaa!!”

Setting the basket of unfolded clothes on the ground she stuck her head around the corner, “What?”

She bit back a joke about paying her double, correctly guessing he was probably hanging around Rude. Last thing she wanted to do was jeopardize her easy money.

Reno was lounging across the couch, legs resting over Rude’s lap. He’d always been physically affectionate like this so it really hadn’t come as much of a surprise to find that they were together when they all moved in here.

Except for Tseng, who somehow was completely unaware until he’d walked in on them. He quickly learned how to knock.

Before Reno even opened his mouth, Elena knew he was going to say something dirty.

“Hey Elena,” his tone was casual like he was discussing the weather, “Me and Rude are playing fuck, marry, kill an-“

“He is,” Rude flatly cut him off, arms crossed and very pointedly looking away from her, “Not me.”

If Reno noted the annoyed hand on Elena’s hip he didn’t care. Barreling forward, “So, Elena. Barret, Cloud, Tifa.”

Rolling her eyes hard enough to hurt a bit, she shook her head, “I’m not playing either.”

“I said marry Barret, fuck Cloud, kill Tifa,” Reno didn’t care about her hard shutdown, cackling to himself, “Sorry, Tifa. Nothing personal, just don’t like girls like that.”

“That’s nice,” Elena was far too used to his unprofessional behavior in their off-time by now, “I’m still not playing.”

“You and Rude are a couple of killjoys,” Reno scoffed, ignoring the obscured warning glare he was getting from his partner, “I can answer Rude’s for him. Marry Tifa, fuck Cloud, kill Barret. Doesn’t like when people are taller than him, right?”

“Be real easy for me and Elena to lock you out of the lodge again,” Rude threatened.

It was an idle threat though, Elena knew Rude was always too soft on Reno and felt guilty even playing a lighthearted prank on him.

Which is ironic because Reno’s primary hobby is “being a bastard to anyone within arm’s reach, including Rude.”

But all it took was one perfectly practiced sad face from Reno and Rude would fold like a cheap deck of cards. Although, to be fair, Reno was also cartoonishly over affectionate towards him otherwise so it wasn’t a one-way street.

Reno was really trying his luck with being annoying right now though, rolling his head back over towards Elena, “Alright, not going to answer that one. How about fuck, marry, kill... the other Turks.”

In perfect unison, Rude and Elena barked a firm, “No.”

Same as before, Reno didn’t care and in fact only grew more mischevious, “I’d marry Rude, fuck Tseng, and kill you, Elena. Still don’t like girls, sorry.”

“What the hell!” Elena yelped, “Don’t be fucking rude!!”

“I’m not fucking Rude, I’m marrying Rude,” Reno tapped his head, “Pay attention.”

“Okay, fine,” Elena crossed her arms, “I kill you too.”

He scoffed, “Well, that’s just mean.”

“YOU JUST-”

Elena’s justified outrage was cut short as Tseng walked out of the living quarters, not even looking up at them. Engrossed in his notes and unaware of Elena’s scandal, Rude’s silent warning for him to run, or the evil glint in Reno’s eye.

“Hey, Tseng,” Reno called out.

Tseng obliged, stopping dead in his tracks and looking over with no idea what was about to be asked of him, “Yes?”

Reno’s grin did tip him off that it was going to be something bad but he still didn’t expect, “Fuck, marry, kill. Me, Rude, and Elena.”

His answer was quick as a whip and just as sharp, face dropping into a withering look of disapproval, “I’m not playing but I would kill you without hesitation.”

“What the hell, man?!” Reno protested, nearly drowned out by Elena’s startled laughter and one of Rude’s stifled, cough-like laughs. Jabbing at him with a foot, Reno looked betrayed, “Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side, partner.”

The pointed infliction on that last word wasn’t lost on Rude who gave him a couple pats on the ankle across his lap, deciding it was time for this to end, “Let’s move on.”

Reno doesn’t give up easily and he wanted at least a one-in-three where someone doesn’t immediately kill him, raising his voice and yelling, “RUFUS.”

Tseng’s eyes flared dangerous, “Do NOT bother the President with-”

He was too late, Rufus not bothering to roll out of whatever room he was in but he was close enough to raise his voice and answer, “What?”

“Uh, you don’t like girls either…” Reno made his selection, “So fuck, marry, kill. Me, Rude, and Tseng.”

There was a long, dead silence. Reno calmly waiting, Tseng glaring a hole in his skull, Rude regretting a long series of choices that had led to this moment, and Elena wishing she’d just stayed in the laundry room.

“Well, for starters,” Rufus finally replied, “I’d kill you, then-

“FUCK OFF, WE’RE DONE PLAYING,” Reno crossed his arms and kicked the arm of the couch, pouting as everyone had a second laugh at his expense.

Everyone went back to what they were doing, finally freed from the curse of Reno’s stupid game by beating him at it. Leaving him to pout with a trapped Rude calmly patting his leg.

As Elena picked up the laundry basket just out of sight she heard Rude attempt to placate his agitated partner.

“I’d marry you.”

“Thanks…”


End file.
